When you have been married for awhile, you come to appreciate that every marriage, whether it be a good and happy relationship or one that is failing, is filled with a lot of tears and laughter. Hopefully, your marriage has more of the latter, than the former.
When we get married our hearts are full of joy and we rejoice at the opportunity to have a most fulfilling relationship with the one with love.
Ironically, it is at the earliest moments of marriage that we celebrate our union with tears. But these tears are happy tears as we feel so overwhelmed with joy and relieved that all of the things that came before the marriage have fallen into place and in that moment you and your husband or wife are standing by each other in one of the most sacred of all ceremonies.
Tears in Your Marriage Can Reset Your Mood
So tears in marriage can be wonderful stepping stones to that special place of joy and when they are accompanied with sincere and joyful laughter….well this is the thing dreams are made of.
What makes a marriage work can be surprising. I tackle some of the drivers of a successful relationship in the post below. Be sure to check it out after you finish reading about tears and laughter…
It is truly surprising how our tears and laughter can make the bond of marriage ever so strong.
It is these moments in our marriage that are synonymous with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. What a beautiful combination when you are able to cry and laugh with your marital partner about something beautiful and amazing.
As I said, the marriage ceremony brings this all out. And it should as in that moment, the two of your are experiencing something powerful, with great potential.
The birth of your first child can also instill this special combination of powerful feelings of love and contentment. Cherish these moments because they are special and are usually connected to some of the most meaningful milestones in a couple’s life.
Let’s call these kind of tears marital happy tears. We well up not because we are sad or depressed, but rather the overwhelming forces at play are far too much to process and we have to release.
Now what about just general laughter? What role does that play in marriage?
Laughter it is said is the medicine for the soul of your marriage. When you and your husband and wife laugh together about something, you are enraging in a form of “mirroring’ which is when two people are doing the same thing and by doing so, it brings them closer together.
So what is the scientific basis for laughter in the marriage. Well, before we dig into this topic, let me just underscore again that increasing opportunities for you and your spouse to laugh frequently is something you really want to accomplish as often as possible.
You got that! I want you and your hubby or wife to really work on laughing. Not such a bad action plan, don’t you think!
Ok, so back to the subject of the science behind increasing laughter in your marriage. Laughing is a great way of reducing stress. It releases endorphins and improves your immune system and helps you with warding off infections. Most of all, laughing just feels good. It can relieve pain and wipe away tension and anxiety and help you and your marriage partner reset the mood in a positive way.
By now, you probably know that when you have two people spending a lot of time together in close proximity, you tend to serve as a barometer for each other’s moods. Before when you were single, if you felt a bit sour, you probably contained it or were even fully aware that you felt that way. But when you are married and spending a great deal a time with your soul mate life, these moods have a way of revealing themselves in a more direct manner. It is as if your spouse is a marital mood catcher for you. Whatever you are feeling, they are bound to pick up and vice versa. Just their mere presence tends to cuase you to share your mood.
This is where laughter can come in to be your ally….your marital mood regulator if you will! So lets say you are feeling a bit moody and not so keen about things. What you might need is a little marriage laughter pick me up. That is where your spouse can do you a good one.
Now, does this mean you need to be some sort of a comedian or prankster, or joke artist in order to have a great marriage? Of course not! But if laughter is proven to revitalize you personally and enhance the the union of a marriage, then you want to find ways to incorporate a lot more laughs and good times in your relationship.
How do you accomplish this?
Well, I have a couple of ideas I think you should consider adopting. And I don’t want you to hold on to these in your mind after reading about them. Go talk to your husband or wife about this whole topic and get some buy in because it truly takes both spouses to embrace this notion in order to maximize the effect.
First, I would suggest you and your spouse commit to spending at least 1 hour every evening watching something funny on television, YouTube, or on a social media platform. I want you to do it together and enjoy the pleasure of sharing the fun and the laugh. It is incredibly simple to pull this off and the payoff can be enormously effective in keeping the two of you bonded in a positive way. A laugh shared together by husband and wife is a laugh that pays dividends in your relationship trust bank.
Oh, by the way, have you read about what I think regarding building and managing a marriage trust bank with your spouse. If not, then I encourage you to read this post as I discuss it at length, along with several other important topics.
A second tactic I would suggestion you consider is finding laughter in the small, little things you each do.
I particularly like the idea of what I call the “Soft Tease”. There are two types of teases. Well, actually, there are many kinds of teases that occur between husband and wife, but if one was to break them down into categories I would say there is the kind that I would describe as the “hard tease”.
A hard tease is one that usually has a barb associated with it. It is meant to have some humor, but also by its very nature is intended to tweak and twist a bit. It has some bite to it.
Depending on how thick your spouse’s skin might be, a “hard tease” can hurt just a bit and can even sometimes cause some carry over resentment. So I don’t recommend you embrace the hard tease very often when your aim to to create a positive laugh, whether it be little or large.
I much better like the soft tease which could be best described as a little line that is intended to call attention to something with the explicit purpose of causing your lover to laugh or giggle or smile.
And a soft tease can be verbal or physical. You can tell your wife or husband something clever or insightful with a tinge of sarcasm with the express purpose of lightening the mood.
Or you can glide by your wife or husband and brush up against them on purpose or stroke their hair or lay a little kiss on them unsuspectingly. These kind of simple acts can create a little smile and create a very positive tone and atmosphere. And here is the trick. You want to do this a lot. Don’t worry, it is not hard to become good at it. Before you know, it will become commonplace. These are the kind of positive and loving routines you want your marriage to consist of.
The Tears of Marriage Can Be Good and Bad
So what about tears? Are the tears that flow during our marriage something we should be concerned about. I mean we all cry, right? So, how much is too much?
Or looking at it in another way, how many tears is too little? Ah…I bet not everyone thought of it in those terms. Can there be a situation where a couple does not cry enough?
Well, the short answer to the last question, is yes. Let’s break it down and learn what happens when we cry and why I promote that couples should learn to cry more often. Do it together and you will discover it strengthens the bond.
Crying is a way of purging a lot of feelings. These feelings can be good, bad, or even ugly. Generally, what happens is things unfold in our married lives or life in general and as negative incidents and life experiences accumulate, we can get overburdened.
Our marital coping strategies can fall short. The marriage mood elevator can drop down the shaft. And that is not healthy. It is not something you want bottled up inside you cooking you from the inside out.
So crying can help unburden you and allow you to release a lot of nasty feelings and thoughts that weigh on you. As I described earlier, sometimes we cry because we feel really, really happy and we simply need to release that emotion. Perhaps something wonderful happened and we are so satisfied and thrilled by the event, we just can’t process how to emotionally address it. Crying can help those good feelings come out and you are able to experience them in a more controlled manner.
It works in a similar way for those times when we are unable to manage our life situation very well. We could be very sad or we might have built up a lot of pent up negative emotions and soon we feel like we are going to burst or become frantic if we don’t do something. Sounds like a panic attack, doesn’t it. Well, you need not have a full fledged panic attack to call upon a little marriage crying therapy!
Crying can help regulate these high, troubling emotions. So in this respect, it is important to release and unburden yourself from emotions and events that have gotten out of hand.
A lot of guys go on a run or workout or punch the bag. They do something physical. And while this certainly can help manage the feelings that are troubling them, it probably is not as effective as crying it out.
That is where women or your wife has one up on you. Women are usually a bit more connected to their emotions and instinctively will release them through crying. Men need to learn to cry a bit more often. Sure, it not easy because of the stereotypes that exist. But, hey we are just talking about what makes the most practical sense in releasing your pent up, upset feelings as efficiently as possible.
Tears help release the toxins that have built up in you when you are undergoing stress. Like laughter, tears can release endorphins which help you change your mood to the positive. Crying gets the job done. I realize it seems counter intuitive, but the more your cry, the greater the chance that you can elevate your mood and cast out some of the negativity.
That is what it is really about. Learning to cast away the negative and lead with the positive. That is what makes a marriage shine.