My Husband Walked Out: Will He Ever Come Back To Me

It is an awful feeling when you realize that the man you love…the guy you married who you once felt you could not do without…has told you that he is moving on.

In his mind he may be thinking he is going on to bigger and better things.  He is free, he thinks.  The handcuffs are off and his adventures are about to begin. Of course in many of these cases, the husband who seems so eager to leave, truly has no idea what he is getting himself into.

feeling alone after husband leaves

In your mind, you are probably wanting to crucify him.  How dare he stab you in the back like that….just announcing that he is through with the marriage and is moving on.

Indeed, if you are like most of the women I consult with, you are probably incensed that your husband who you once trusted like no other human being, has decided to walk out of your life.

Talk about taking things to the limit.

Usually, when a man packs his stuff and walks out of a marriage, things are gone really bad.  It can unbelievable when a husband deserts you.  I also explore this topic in the following post….

I Can’t Believe My Husband Deserted Me

The who, what, when, where, and why questions….these queries will haunt you if you let them.

But that is not always the case.

Sometimes everything fits together very quickly and you understand why they are leaving you.

Sometimes we get these guys that care little for how their actions impact you and all of things the two of you established in this world.

They just do it because of some impulsive reaction that reaches out and pulls them away from you.

Then there are those guys that have just thrown up their hands, giving up on the marriage, wanting nothing more to do with it.  They are not willing to do the hard work it takes to make a marriage successful.

Maybe such men weren’t marriage material to begin with.

Maybe they have some other woman on the side and were just looking for a reason to escape.

Sometimes it is never really clear.

We are left wondering what happened and how we are to pick up all the pieces of the relationship strewn all about.

picking up the pieces after a breakup

If I was to count all the “ifs and maybes” women have shared with me, they would number in the double digits and if we swept them all up and tried to make some sense of them, we would be left with a heaping pile of trash.

Whatever it was that caused your marriage break apart and meet its untimely end, you are unlikely to solve in your mind in the days to come.  So don’t try.

It will prolong your agony.

Whatever happened that resulted in you and your husband parting ways…just know that you are not alone.

This mini tragedy has befallen others.

You will come out of all this chaos intact.

And who knows….you might just discover a big truth about both yourself and your estranged husband which could positively change the course of your life.

I Am Hurting So Much Since My Husband Left Me

when your husband walks away

I realize that in the beginning part of your mindset could be possessed by the thought of: “I want my husband back”.

So what will come of your future?

This is the other thought you are probably obsessed with.

For the last many years, you and you husband were an inseparable couple.  You did everything together. Your routine were set and your were part of something larger than just yourself.  You were part of a union made up of two people.   And it probably felt good much of the time.

So you can’t help but think back to all the good times.  Your remember all those sweet moments.  You remember your dreams of the future with your husband.  You remember how happy you both seemed to be not that long ago.

This is how our minds work.  We remember the good stuff.

But we also can spend out time remembering the bad stuff and replaying it over and over again, becoming more angry, then more depressed.

Just know that is is normal to be prone to waves of anger and resentment.

How dare he tell you its over?“, you will think.

What did you do deserve such treatment?“, you will ask yourself repeatedly.

Why would your husband blame all the troubles of the marriage solely on you and walk out of your life like it was all your fault?

You think that no one deserves to be pushed aside and left behind like that.  And you are right.

If you husband acts in such a manner, then something is terribly wrong.

If the relationship between you and your man has disintegrated to such a point that he walks out of your life with little explanation, something is going on and you will eventually want to get to the bottom of it.

This is such a tough situation when a husband abandons his wife.  There are undoubtedly so many questions you will have.

If your husband has walked out on you, you also might be wondering, “what are my rights?”

What if you are married  with children?

You may be thinking, “my husband walked out on me and the kids and I need to protect myself.”

You will wonder what you are entitled to.

All the while you will be thinking how it is unimaginable that he would leave you and the kids, wondering what kind of man would do such a thing.

What if you have a little baby and the guy your are married to decides he has had enough and wants out of the marriage?

In my book, that is the ultimate form of selfishness and cruelty

Sometimes with your husband walking out of your life, he will not want to talk which usually compounds the situation because you probably won’t fully understand the what and why of everything.

Perhaps there was an argument and he decided to leave and walk out in a big puff.

Perhaps he is emotionally insecure or unstable and can’t be relied on to participate in a full life with another woman

Whatever it is, I understand well how this sort of outcome has stretched you in every which way.

Again, let me remind you that the pain you feel searing through your heart and body is not everlasting.

And the more you hear this and convince yourself that it is true, the sooner you will get over the cruel act of your husband.

The sooner you will be able to start looking at the bigger picture of your relationship and decide if you should strike out in a different direction.

Here is a list of reactions I have received from women whose husbands decided to give up on the marriage.  It is important you realize that such sadness can enter into other people’s lives, yet they all came out of it.  They all survived and are in a better place emotionally and relationship wise.

“I wept for days when he left me.  I did not see it coming.  I guess I was in my own shell thinking a certain way about our marriage, while all along he had other things in his mind.  When he told me to my face we were through, I didn’t believe it.  Now I just want my husband back.  I don’t know what comes next. Should I think of separation steps?  I don’t want that.  Part of me thinks he doesn’t want that either.  How do I get my husband after after all this?  This whole thing is crushing me.”

It was an unbelievable day.   I awaken and get all the kids to school.  My husband is lurking around like he wants to talk to me.  Then it happens.  He says he wants to separate.  He says the problems we have been undergoing are too great to solve.  I am not buying any of this since it just comes out of nowhere.  We haven’t fought in weeks.  Then this happens.  He is acting impulsively. I know it.  Should I just let him go?  Should I just let the separation thing happen without pushing back. Part of me thinks my husband will come back after the separation phase. But my inner demons are taking over. Has he fallen out of love with me?  How do you make your husband fall in love with you again after separation talk?  How do I make my husband come back home after all this?  I am so confused and don’t even know where to start.”

I am sitting here thinking that I am a lucky woman.  My husband left me for an old girlfriend.  I should have seen it coming.  She has been popping up in places and he has been acting way too weird about it.  Looking back, now I see that my husband has been conspiring behind the scenes.  I say good riddance.  I use to spend my entire day thinking about how to get my husband back from this other woman who has ruined my life.  Now I realize that his cheating ways were a godsend to me.  This other woman my husband has been carrying on with has actually saved my life.  He tried to hide it and I think he was planning on carrying on with her indefinitely.  But I finally came to my senses and have told him it’s over.  This cheating he did on me is the most disloyal act a husband can commit. For women out there wondering about how to get your husband to move back home after an affair, I say forget it.  Kick him out and let him learn his lesson that his fairy tale on how his life will work out is so full of crap.”

How Do You Cope After Your Husband Walks Out of Your Marriage?

coping with pain of breakup

When the dark clouds of a marriage gone awry hangs over your life, everything seems upside down.

All the things you use to take for granted has changed.  Your daily routines change.  Your sense of who you are and where your life is headed becomes clouded.

No doubt we could talk all day about the plethora of twisted feelings you are undergoing.

But there is no need for you to relive your pain.

Its there and it won’t go away any time real soon unless you act.

The pain of being left behind…being sold out by your husband will go away.

You have the capacity to rise above all of this.


Start first by making it clear to your husband, in the event it is not, that he is not welcomed back given his destructive, irresponsible behavior.

He chose to walk out on you. That is a blow to the marriage.

He crossed a sacred marriage red line.

So if your husband later changes his mind after a few days upon reality hitting him square in the face, do let him wiggle his way back into your life to soon, if at all.

I am not saying the marriage is completely over and the two of you will never be together again.

I am saying that take the time you have with yourself and get to know you, again.

What You Shouldn’t Do If Your Husband Walks

don't beg for husband to return

What I am saying is that in the days and weeks following your husband walking out of the relationship, he needs to understand clearly that what he has done is a serious breach of trust and that if there is to be any healing of the wound, it needs to occur over time, on your terms.

Don’t beg for your husband to return back to the marriage.

Should I Beg For My Husband To Stay and Not Leave Me?

Don’t plead with your husband to stay.

Don’t call or text your husband asking to meet up with him to discuss his decision to leave you in the early days or weeks.

Don’t do any of those things in the immediate days following your husband’s departure.

Remember, he quit the relationship.

His act is indefensible, so don’t give him any avenues to try to change your mind about your time for independence.

Nor should you subject yourself to any potential verbal abuse he might throw your way.

So for the immediate future, close off the communications lines where it is practical.

When someone you love walks away, it is time to utilize a No Contact Period.

It is best for you and your husband.

You will need time to re-evaluate everything that is important to you and you shouldn’t trust your own judgement in those early days.

Just Because Your Husband Walked Out Doesn’t Mean You Have To Quit Living

celebrate a new life with hubby

Stay engaged in life.

Meet and make new friends.

Focus on being the best version of everything you love about yourself.

Surround yourself with friends that can support you.

Get outside and do things outside.  Sunshine and nature can do incredibly positive things for your attitude and mood.

Give yourself weeks to recover before you give any serious thought about what your plans for the future might be.

Of course, how a marriage can unravel and come apart differs for every couple.

The varying complexity in a couples’ history and how they interact can also influence in different ways how they may come back together again.

Some couples have a tempestuous relationship and walking away from each other is not unheard of.

The husband and wife may still be very much in love with each other, but for whatever reason, one of them decides to upend the marriage.

I have written elsewhere on this site about things you can do to get your husband back if you are still of a mind to pursue that aim.

But for now, remember, what is important is avoiding trying to get all the answers or come up with all the solutions to what has happened and what you should do about it.

Remember the law of little steps.

When something big happens to you that abruptly upsets your life, don’t take any large steps….make big or grand decisions.

Allow yourself time to recover and think rationally.

And  realize that getting to truly know your own feelings about important matters usually takes longer than you might think when it involves a big relationship breakup situation.

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Known in relationship circles as the, Ex Whisperer, Chris Seiter seeks to help men and women rekindle their love and passion and find their way back to a stable, successful relationship. As owner of the websites,, and, Chris works closely with his clients, helping them see the bigger picture of how to get their ex back, recover from the pain of lost love, and become a better version of who they are.

22 thoughts on “My Husband Walked Out: Will He Ever Come Back To Me”

  1. My Husband walked out 2 months ago just after we had celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary we have been together 20 years. I was completely blindsided by this. Our marriage had not been great for the last couple of years due to some poor choices made by him but we had gotten through and from what I thought we had made a mutual agreement to start fresh with a move that was brought about by my career. Things had been stressful for the past year due to my new career, my taking care of my elderly father and life in general. But when the stress got the better of me I would always apologize and explain and he would always say “I know you Sweetheart and that’s what I am here for” and it seemed that this past year he had been more attentive. He was trying to show me he was sorry for the things he had brought upon the family prior. When he left I asked him if there was someone else and he said “No, I am just being selfish and am leaving for me.” After 16 days of begging, pleading and asking everyday if he was sure there wasn’t anyone else I found the phone bill. He had been texting another woman (a really, really good friend according to him) since November of last year. It started out a few times a month and increase of course up until he left. He even texted her on our wedding anniversary. I have since found out that they had been only friends ( something he knew I would not approve of such a thing nor would he) up until she found out that he was not seperated as she had ASSUMED and gave him an ultimatum the month he left. He choose that day to leave because she was having a bbq and said he could only come if he was single. They then became a “couple” 2 weeks after he left and just a couple days before I knew she even exsisted. He calls me and texts me everyday he says to “help me get through this and to answer any questions I have and to stay friends” He has cried and sobbed to me several times about how remorseful, sorry and full of guilt he is for the way he left and the pain he caused me. But yet he doesn’t want to try and give the marriage another chance. I refuse to file for divorce because I still love him more than anything and know that we are Soul Mates but yet he has made no move to file. She has told him she will not “make love” to him until he is single and hers….basically dangling the carrot. Can the no contact rule help me get him back??

    1. It is certainly worth a try. Either No Contact or a form of limited contact. But let him know what you are doing and why. He should know you are focusing on your own healing and that you are working on being the best version of YOU. I am optimistic about your chances given the length of time together and the description you gave of your situation. His behavior indicates he has some regrets and is not completely certain of what he wants.

      I have another website, my largest website, called

      It has a lot of articles in it as well that might be of help. It is meant for women going through breakups. I also have started a Private Facebook Support Group for women going through what you are experiencing. It has over 1000 women in it right now who help each other with advice. I usually will do a Facebook live webcast each week on various topics. You will find information about this Group on that website.

      Also, I think you are right not to file for divorce. Your marriage is far from over, though clearly, trust will have to be rebuilt if the two of you resume the relationship and perhaps counseling would be beneficial going forward.

  2. My husband left in May, saying he needed a break, I supported this, then he met the other woman. He has been living with her since June or July, I only found out they were a couple in August when I asked her – yes he brought her around me and our 2 kids. I am absolutely heartbroken, we have been married 9 years. This came out of the blue for me. She is 10 years older than him and I and has a 22 yr old daughter ( our kids are 8 and 4 yrs old). He was bringing her to our home in the summer when I was not home. Why do I still want him back? We don’t have any agreements for custody, child support, finances in place yet. We can’t seem to agree on anything. He doesn’t come around me unless he has her with him. How do I move on?

    1. I think you should consider the No Contact Principle which I have written about here on the website. It is cruel for him to bring her with him to see you. Tell him that is a behavior you are no longer going to tolerate as it is emotionally painful for you as it would be for anyone. You will get through this. Our bodies produce serotonin (neurotransmitter) that causes mood swings and feelings of obsession over our ex after a breakup. But as time goes by, its impact on your mood and feelings will subside. Engage in healthy physical and emotional activities. Focus on becoming the best version of YOU. In time, you will discover that you have many options in life as to how and who you wish to spend it with.

      1. We really don’t contact each other unless it has to do with the kids now and it is only through text messages. I don’t even know why I want him back, I just love him and want to continue on the journey we started together 12 years ago. We have been through so much and I thought we could continue to get through it all. Not have it end like this. I have asked him not to bring her around and he told me that I need to respect his decisions to have her around, she is important to him. But she isn’t the best with our kids – has no interest in them unless it suits her. The kids tell me she won’t play or do anything with them when they are over her house. We used to do everything together and now she has taken my place, but with no interest in the kids.

        1. JH….there are better days ahead. Stick to what you know is right. Your heart may tell you one thing..but your mind should settle on what is best for you and the kids. You seem like a really good and decent person. Consider looking for another journey in life without him as a big part of your life. Emotionally, I know it tears you up to think this way, but pragmatically it probably a good thing to do. If his entire mindset changes in the future, you may wish to reconsider whether you wish to seek reconciliation. But don’t count on that.

  3. Hi there. My partner left me after 9 years when I was 29 weeks with our second child. The past year he’d been living away and me and our eldest child(aged 6) every weekend and things were great. We were counting down the days for him to return after the year. A month before he was going to return we had a silly little argument by text where he said he was done. Every weekend where he popped through to see his child I tried to get answers. I tried the usual pathetic texting etc. He had told me that I was controlling, clingy and manipulative and said that he was forced into having this second child. I told him he had no right coming back to the house now and he moved in with his brother.
    Fast forward around 12 weeks to the present and our second child is now 2 weeks old. I let him be there for the birth and also let him stay at the house for baby’s first 2 weeks. Although he has been good in terms of letting me rest etc he has completely changed. He is still very reserved with me, the 2 weeks he’d been here he’s gone out 5 times. I spoke to him tonight and said it’s time for him to go back to his brother’s home. He said that he will and asked if Im happy etc … I said I’m fine. I spoke pleasantly and didn’t let on how I truly felt. I know he feels guilty for leaving … Especially the time where I needed him most…pregnant. But I feel that he really has no desire now or ever to be with me again. In the weeks he’d been gone I’ve thrown myself into meeting friends, family etc putting myself first for once.
    He said a few weeks back to a mutual friend that he doesn’t “see me in that way anymore” and there’s “no connection”.
    I’ve resigned myself to the fact that he’s gone for good. What advice would you give me?
    Thank you

    1. Hi Louise….first of all, congratulations for having your baby. I think time will be the arbitrator in this situation. If he is truly thinking that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore and that there is “no connection”, time will tell whether he really knows himself and his feelings. People often say a great many foolish thing, particularly to other people when they are confused. They think they understand their true underlying feelings. Perhaps this relationship won’t work out. But I wouldn’t necessarily count it out.

      I think you acted properly asking him to leave. It is not a healthy long term environment when a guy can’t make and standby a commitment. Hopefully time will allow him to see he has made a terrible mistake….that he was selfish. Meanwhile, you should go forward with focusing on your needs and the needs of your children.

      You seem like a wonderful and loving woman. I have no doubt you will land on your feet. As painful as this feels right now, channel your thoughts and energy into something really beautiful….such as your new baby and the wonderful things you do with your 6 year old. Seek to be the best version of yourself. I am sure, whatever paths unfold before you, you will choose wisely. You will choose what best serves you and those you love.

      1. Hi Chris,
        Thank you very much for your reply and your congratulations regarding my new born.
        Thank you 🙂
        I’ve been channeling all of my energy and focus on my children … And am currently in the process of putting my recently earned degree into use!
        My ex came over yesterday after work to see the little ones ..
        And when we were alone he commented on my looks ( I’ve been making an effort with myself to make myself feel good 😉 ) . A few occasions now he’s been more complimentary and taking notice…he said last night I should go get rest and he will look after the new born and go when I wake up… But I politely refused and said this is part of the territory now and this is what I will do. He went quiet and I could tell this had affected him.
        My children come first always … But there is part of me that wants to work on ways to perhaps rekindle in the future. Shall I just continue with the way I’ve been acting or would you advise something different?
        Again thank you for your support and kind words I really appreciate it.

        1. I think you are on a good path. I can see you have some really special qualities. Don’t forget, men want that which they can’t have. Its a form of psychological reactance (google it). You take away something that a guy perceived as something that was freely available to him, he will crave it more. Particularly if that which he desires is perceived as having value.

          If you wish to rekindle the flame, find a balance of being that “Ungettable Girl” with an occasional kind compliment of your own. He will be slightly confused, but attraction will grow. And I am not referring to physical or emotional attraction, but also spiritual and intellectual attraction and admiration. Self reliance, kindness, and positivity are really big attractors.

          I write about the “Ungettable Girl” at my other website, Go visit the site. It has tons of articles and content that I think would be beneficial to you!

          1. Hey Chris,
            Thank you for your reply:)
            I’ve read your piece on the UG and found it very interesting!
            I’m going to apply your advice and see how it goes.
            I was wondering if you have any advice with depression?
            The ex has suffered depression quite bad the past few years, he recently told me that he stopped taking his medication and he is fine and doesn’t need them etc. I feel this is contributing to how he is being.
            Im regards to face to face communication… It appears he has put up a shield again and can be quite cold … I don’t let that deter me though and I never bring up what has happened. I’m starting to think though that perhaps he is comfortable with the situation in terms of not feeling as guilty for how this situation came to light?
            Why are guys so complicated?
            Thanks again for your kind words and advice.

          2. His behavior doesn’t sound like depression. It appears his actions/behavior is coming from a place of anger and uncertainty. I suspect though some of that anger is with himself. The thing about those types of feelings is that they need something to feed off of. So don’t give him anything to work with. Hopefully as times passes, he will come around to acting more himself.

            Whatever happens, remember….you have choices in life and there are always many good paths that lie ahead.

          3. Hey Chris,
            What do you mean by not giving him things to work with regarding his feelings? Do you mean how I present myself when he is around?
            He had brought up the subject of when can he start having our eldest and newborn stay with him nights. I didn’t show him how that made me feel but I just feel deep down this is a losing battle.
            Thanks again.

          4. What I meant is maintain a positive and respectful demeanor around him. But you need not over do it in anyway. I think you agreeing to little steps of reconciliation is healthy. Though I am not sure if the newborn is old enough to stay with him overnite if he is not accustomed to all the routines. You would know that better than anyone. Perhaps there are other little favors he can do for you.

          5. Thanks Chris .. Will take this advice on board.
            He’s going out every opportunity he gets … As a person he has dramatically changed. This has been going since the last 3 and half months … Don’t you think this has gone past the stages of reconciliation now?
            I’m starting to feel fed up of trying to be honest.
            Thanks again,

          6. Hi Louise….one can never rule out reconciliation. Men sometimes get their heads filled up with thoughts that are not always that well centered. I think it takes longer for men to get in touch with their true feelings. But I can definitely understand your frustration and feelings of being fed up.

            The future is often the truth machine for relationships.

          7. Hey Chris.
            Thank yo for your reply. I understand what you are saying.
            Today I have had a sort of break through with his feelings regarding the breakdown of the relationship, which has taken over three months for him to do.
            I had severe depression after the birth of my first child, where he had been fantastic in supporting me but not realising his own issues. This past year when he had been away he said he had not coped well with being alone and had been trapped in his mind, he also said that I had caused a huge amount of stress to him regarding the continuous problems I piled on him. He also said I had not been supportive over the years and all of his hard work was for us and not just for him (In my darker days, I realise now how selfish I had been as I had become extremely jealous that he was achieving his career whereas I was lost and bitter with my own path.)
            He has also mentioned how emotionless he feels, and empty, and towards his own family too he feels disconnected from everyone and everything…and except for his children he has no feelings towards anyone. He seems lost, and depressed and angry too.
            I finally understand the breakdown of the relationship now … but have no idea if I can help him and salvage/create a new relationship with him.
            What can you advise with my approach now or do you feel that is something that simply cannot be salvaged?
            After this talk, the conversations still pointed to a forever separation with him telling me he was going to move to his mother’s house and buy his own house a few years down the line…and that he will always care about me because I’m the mother of his children.
            Bettering myself is what I have been doing, where I have been focusing on banishing the negative aura that I continuously brought.
            Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
            Thank you.

          8. Stay on your path of focusing on bettering yourself and banishing the negativity. It appears your husband is going through his own healing process. I think that is healthy and you hopefully you can both support each other’s journey to a better state of mind. Perhaps in the future the two of your will both be in a better place and will be able to join back together.

  4. My husband left me for another woman. He still says he’s unsure of what he wants and yet seems completely devoted to her. It’s so hard to get over the betrayal and being abandoned and yet being told there might still be a chance. I don’t know how to stop looking for answers or at least wanting to feel like our history mattered. It literally feels like he dropped everything over night.

    1. I am very sorry for your pain. I know you will find ways to channel that negative energy into positive things. It will help you gain some sense of normalcy. My advice is try not to beat yourself up seeking answers. It is not anything you did that was wrong. It was your husband’s choice to break his vow to you. There could be a million reasons for why he acted as he did. Whatever it is, what matters most is you beginning your healing process. He seems like he wants to keep the door slightly open to return to you if it is to his advantage. That’s his terms it would seem. I think you should move forward on your terms. You should read my article on utilizing the No Contact principle. You can conduct a search on this website. It might be a good solution for your case and it will certainly help you with focusing on your needs. At the same time, it may cause him to realize how much he has invested in you and that he can potentially lose you forever.

      Yes, your history matters a lot and that might be what turns things around in the future if you later decide you will have him back.

      Since you can’t be sure that things will come back together for the two of you, you should proceed with a pragmatic view of life. You seem like a lovely person and there are certainly other potential men out there that you may choose to share your life with. Not that is what you want now or maybe even in the near future. But you should prepare to carry on in life surrounding yourself with people you love. And remember….you hold the high moral ground. You honored your commitment. You have demonstrated that you are loyal and caring and I am sure many other things, so you have a lot to offer. Hold yourself up. Be proud of who you are. It serves you and those who you wish to attract.

      1. Thank you Chris. We are no contact right now and I know he’s still in contact with the OW. I know I just have to focus on myself but I just keep constantly thinking about how he left me for someone “lower” for lack of better words. And I say that because she has had trouble with the law and even a record and I just can’t believe he’d want to be with that instead. It’s kind baffling and even though I shouldn’t want to be with him, all I keep questioning is why he’d want that kind of life instead. I’m trying my best to distract myself all the time. I’ll come back to you answer again as my reminder. Thanks again.

        1. I understand Lg. Some men can do some really stupid things that really have little bearing on what is in their best interest. While it is in your best interest to assume that he may not ever come back to you and focus on becoming the best version of yourself, I don’t think the final chapters have been written yet with your relationship with your husband.

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