Today we are going to talk about some of the things you can do to turn on your boyfriend. Sounds like a good plan, don’t you think!
Or let’s say you are married. What can you do to keep your husband happy and excited (even thrilled at times) with how you go about arousing him?
Throughout this article, I am going to use the terms husband, boyfriend, lover, guy, and man interchangeably.
I don’t know what your particular situation is. But I assume there is a man in your life and you are determined to keep him really interested in you.
So let’s explore what you can specifically do to increase your husband’s (or boyfriend’s) sexual intimacy and intensity.
What Should You Know About Exciting Your Man?
So, let’s start with with questions. Because after all, that is how we learn. If you constantly are asking questions about those things you believe you know a lot about, you may discover there are gaps in your knowledge.
There is nothing wrong with that. “Wiser you are when you seek out the gaps in your knowledge“, so sayeth Yoda.
Well, if truth be told, Yoda did not actually say that, but it would have sounded that way had he!
I think men in general have more to learn about this sort of thing (i.e. how to turn on your lover) than women. But certainly, I am not saying that women have it all figured out. There is plenty you can learn.
For starters, take a look at this post I wrote for women….
So, let’s ask more questions.
Is your guy unique in some sense that he needs a special brew of attention to get him really turned on?
Or is he like most other males that can become “putty in your hands” if you understand how to use the right ingredients of attraction and arousal?
Yep, you are in luck today if you are looking for some really good insights into what you need to do to turn on your guy. In fact, you already have a head start.
You are a woman and already possess most of the magic you need. Evolution has made you to be the ideal match for a man.
So for starters, you are in great shape.
You just need to learn how to bend your thoughts away from any of the erroneous ideas and impressions about attraction and embrace what science teaches us.
I will also teach you about the importance of “breaking patterns”.
More about all this later!
It starts first with getting a grip on the science behind the behavior of men.
I am talking about the engineering of your husband’s brain for which he does not have much control of. I don’t mean to say that you husband generally has no control over his behavior. Rather, there are certain parts of his brain that operate on automatic pilot. But, if you slip in the right information in that part of his processing brain, guess what?
You can create a sensual masterpiece, using arousal as your paintbrush.
I think of it as planting “attraction seeds”. When they are further stimulated, attraction springs forth and arousal is born.
Certain areas of your husband’s brain, if stimulated with the right “words”, “visual cues” or “actions” can create a flood of desire and arousal. In many ways, your man is not unlike most men in terms of how they can be aroused.
But your husband is more than just a “brain” waiting to be stimulated.
He also has certain things he likes and dislikes that are unique to his personality. You already probably have a good idea what most of those are all about. Not all, but most. It is entirely likely, your husband (or boyfriend) has not completely filled you in on all those things that turn him on.
After all, we are talking about matters that may not be easy for your man to simply open up and talk about. You will learn, to the extent that you really want to “turn him on”, that you will need to explore these inner thoughts and impulses your husband may have, but is too shy or hesitant to talk about.
You will also learn that just the process of having this discussion with your husband and exploring these things can lead to an intense sexual awakening. Tap into that and you will find a gold mine.
So let that be your first meaningful insight. Act upon this wisdom and unlock some new ways to turn on your guy.
Let’ put things in perspective, before we move on.
Your overall challenge is learning how to couple these two things together. In other words, you will need to learn more about what usually works with almost all men and also discover what is unique to the needs of your man.
The Big Picture of Arousing Your Husband
For a little background, you should know that this article is continuation of a series of posts I am writing to help you improve your relationship.
That’s right! A whole series of articles. That is how encompassing this topic is. And all of these posts are focused on giving you a working recipe for ways to enhance attraction and arousal.
For example, in the post below, I offered up some insights about the things you need to understand to keep your relationship alive, firing on all cylinders. So please make a mental note to check out the “guide” below after you are finished with this one!
Men and Women Are Different Creatures
We are all creatures of various behaviors, habits and routines and with the passage of about 200,000 years, men and women have evolved to a state in which we are similar in many ways, yet remarkably different in other respects.
Remember that because neither men or women often understand each other’s sexual needs all that well. Sure, we understand the needs of our partner well enough to make things happen. But we should all be shooting a lot higher than just “making things happen”.
You see things through a pair of eyes which are entirely female. Your perceptions are colored by your own experiences, feelings and sense of what triggers arousal. While this is helpful, it can also be misleading if you wish to fully comprehend how to turn on your boyfriend. What turns you on is generally somewhat different than what “turns on” your boyfriend (or husband).
So if you try to apply your own sensibilities to what you think your husband (or boyfriend) enjoys, you are likely to strike out some of the time. Not always, but some times.
I know due to some of your experience with men and your intuition about such things, you already come packing with some really good insights. But why not learn more?
Why not learn some of the motivations behind why men act a certain way and how they sometimes perceive things differently than women. Why not learn how your female brain’s way of looking at arousal and attraction is only going to get you so far.
I am not saying you are not a rationale and reasonable thinking person. Rather, I am just saying that while men and women are cut from the same cloth, guys are made from a different portion, color, and texture.
Teaching Your Boyfriend (Husband) About Arousal Discipline
Have you every heard of the phrase “Arousal Discipline”? It is definitely something you will want to know much more about, particularly as it pertains to your boyfriend.
Guys react somewhat differently and need different stimuli when it comes to controlling those special little places in their brain that gets them aroused. And many men will benefit from some special coaching. Your boyfriend (or husband) probably needs to learn about arousal discipline First you need to do is find out how to stimulate those attraction centers of the brain. Then you will need to learn how to help him control all the impulses stemming from that region of the mind.
For example, your husband, unlike you, is less romantic. Sure, he can have his romantic moments. But more often than not, he wants to move in and get it on. Whereas, a woman tends to want to do things slowly, softly, with assurances that she is loved and appreciated.
Now remember, these are generalizations, but they tend to hold true in most cases.
Your boyfriend is going to be more aroused by images. Maybe even somewhat coarse and crude language. Visually seeing hints of your curves in all the right places can set into motion certain neurons in your man’s brain. Planting a lot of these kinds of arousal seeds throughout the day is usually a masterful way of building attraction and arousal.
I am really into the concept of “less is more” when it comes to flashing the flesh. So remember, less nudity is better than more nudity in my book. At least, at the beginning of the encounter.
Another example of planting an “arousal seed” is by doing things like lightly brushing up against your husband or offering a word of thanks for something, followed by a kiss on the cheek. Such things find their way into your husband’s subconscious and lie dormant, waiting to be activated.
The Tale of the Tape
So your man….whether he be your husband or your boyfriend….is different than you in some really important ways. My experience is that often, women know what they want and what sustains their pleasure. They tend to be more in touch with their feelings. Whereas men are not all that well acquainted with the concept of “sustaining pleasure”. T
Your husband may only know one gear and one direction.
That is not always the case with a guy when it comes to his sexuality. Some men have become students of attraction, knowing what they need to do to turn you on as well as get themselves revved up. In fact, the Casanovas of our time realize that the best way they can really get that “feeling” matched by no other, is to play off of your own sexual arousal.
Your husband may think he knows what he wants, but often he really DOESN’T. He needs a bit of coaching. Not just to learn what pleasures you. But also to learn to respond to your lead. When your husband can really sense that your are exceptionally aroused, that is gift to him.
That is important, so let’s say it gain. When your man can really see, smell, taste, and sense in every way that you are at or nearing maximum pleasure, you have bestowed upon him the great gift of pleasure you possibly could.
The “Pounce” Response – A Typical Path After Arousal in a Man
Once arousal takes shape, your husband’s brain will trick him into thinking that what is best to do is act immediately and just “pounce”.
This response is deeply wired in most men’s minds. The “Pounce Response” is what I call it. If this “pounce” reaction is not controlled to some extent, your husband may end up sacrificing quality and duration for immediate gratification.
This is neither good for him or you.
You will need to teach him that giving in to this feeling is not best for him in the long run of the encounter. It is his his brain that is fooling him into thinking what is the best course of action. Remember, a man’s brain was evolved to respond to stimuli in certain ways. The brain and our subconscious is like our command center. And it’s number one programming goal is for our species to “live long and prosper”!
I know…I know. It all sounds so clinical. But it is the truth.
The pleasure centers exist to chaperon this mating process. This is all good. Except, when men act quickly on their powerful urges to “pounce”, they are shortchanging themselves.
In the back of the mind of “early man” were fears of being eaten alive by wild animals! So our programming evolved to move fast. Fight or flight is deeply engrained in all of our minds.
All of this sense of rush, rush can feel natural to your husband. But what feels natural, is not always the best course of action.
What would really turn him on is if you don’t immediately allow him to give in to his impulses. This is the sort of thing you will need to talk to your husband about. Having less of something, followed by having a little more, then a less again…..this is the winning recipe for how to satisfy the needs of both partners.
You may have already figured out some of this. And you probably have already learned some tried and true methods of arousing your man. But I bet there are still many things about you don’t know about yet.
We are going to teach you to tap into those differences so you have a greater understanding of what buttons you should be pushing to turn on your boyfriend (or husband).
Your Husband (or Boyfriend) is Like a Character From Westworld
The first thing you should understand is that your man is, in large part, a creature of habit and routine. He likes to do things that are familiar and the routine of his behaviors gives him a sense of security and control over his environment.
He is almost like one of those characters, from the HBO series Westworld, that are called”Hosts”. In this world, some of the characters are actually not entirely human, though they are trying to become so.
Their day is full of routines and they are programmed to act certain ways in a somewhat repetitive manner, almost always without exception. By all appearances the “Hosts” are human and act so. But as you peel back the layers, these “Hosts” actually do not possess free will. And that is what makes the show, Westworld, so interesting to watch.
They pose the question whether any of us actually have free will. They pose the possibility they we all live in a “matrix” like world in which our needs and thoughts and behaviors are not really our own, but have been programmed into us.
In a way, your boyfriend has his own internal routines and scripts.
If you learn the workings of your husband’s (or boyfriend’s) internal script, then you will be one step ahead. But if you can actually learn to modify your boyfriend’s scripts, such that he learns how to turn you on, so you can turn him on……then you are really getting somewhere.
In a way, we are all like the characters in Westworld. And attraction exists in a world of your own making.
Seldom do we have complete control of our environment and all the things that can happen to us, good or bad. But we try to make our way through the maze of life.
And that is what is often top of mind with your guy. He is trying to champion control over his domain. He wants to be the protector and the controller. He wants to protect and impress you, his woman.
Now, not every guy is this way. None of us can be labeled and put into a clearly defined category. That is way makes us all unique.
But there are certain general behaviors that most men will exhibit and that is likely the case with your husband or boyfriend.
Your Boyfriend’s (or Husband’s) Freedoms Are Precious To Him
Men enjoy their freedoms. They fear losing them and once gone, they will seek to to get them back.
I am sure it could be said we all enjoy our freedoms.
But guys really enjoy having all of their individual freedoms, whatever they may be. Your man will think of his “freedoms” as essentially everything he can touch or think about. Your husband (or boyfriend) can get get pretty worked up if you try and take away any of his freedoms.
Indeed, if your husband or boyfriend perceives something is being withheld from him or taken away, he will fight like mad to get it back.
I not talking about literally fighting, though that can happen too. Rather, I am referring to a well known relationship principle known as “psychological reactance”.
Men want that which they can’t have or are told they cannot possess.
It fits in with the notion of the “Chase”. Your husband will find all of those special centers of his brain activated when he has the opportunity to “chase” after you in some way.
Deeply embedded in your husband’s mind is this image of you in which he perceives “belongs” to him. That is one of his freedoms he feels he can enjoy. The pleasure of being with you…..seeing you….talking with you….making love with you. If he perceives consciously or subconsciously that freedom is being taken away in some form, he will seek to restore it.
Jealousy is born from the Principle of Psychological Reactance.
You this leverage this Principle to your advantage. It fits in with giving something to your husband that he is use to having (e.g. touching him in that special place ever so lightly), then gently taking it away. Do that, then watch how your husband, boyfriend or your Ex responds emotionally and physically in an effort to get back whatever was taken away. This also happens to be an effective way to build arousal.
What we are talking about here is not anything revolutionary. But that is Ok, because trust me, your hubby (or boyfriend) is not that tough of a nut to crack when it comes to arousal and attraction.
He follows a time tested pattern that has been programmed in his mind as a result of thousands of years of evolution.
The things you are learning about getting the “right” reaction from your husband (or boyfriend) are not things that are completely earth shattering. Basically, what I am teaching you is how to color outside the lines, now and again.
Coloring Outside the Lines
What you probably have already figured out is that the process of getting to know what your guy likes is not really a big mystery. You already possess some of the puzzle pieces.
But sometimes it does take some creativity and out of the box thinking to fully leverage the feminine mystique you bring to the equation.
Never under estimate the value of mystery. To some extent, you husband is mystified by you. Mystery creates uncertainty. And uncertainty is one of the ingredients of sexual arousal.
Let’s turn our attention again back to the skill sets you bring as a woman.
What you will need to learn, if you have not already, is that some of your own programming about “attraction” and “arousal” may be working against you. You may have certain preconceived notions about your boyfriend or husband that are flawed.
My mission is to help you find the right path to understanding men. Or at least get you closer to seeing what works and what does not.
What you may have seen on television or in the movies probably may appear like a good way of getting your husband or boyfriend really excited. And I am not saying that you can’t learn from watching a flick or two.
But you would be foolish to draw too many conclusions from things that you watch at the movies or even hear from your friends.
I mean nothing personal about that. Perhaps you are very advance in your knowledge of getting the most out of your man in bed. But don’t be afraid to engage in some trial and error. How else can we learn unless we are prepared to take some risks, even engage in some silly or foolish acts, now and again.
I think if you are looking for some solid and reliable advice on how to turn on your boyfriend or get your husband really worked up (in a good way), then you need to understand the different ways in which men and women respond to certain impulses.
It is not like your boyfriend (or husband) is entirely different than you in how you process the world around you.
As we have discussed, men and women at times respond to things differently. What might attract your boyfriend (or husband), may be low on the list of what a woman may think is attractive, sensual, or sexy.
So let’s see if you are willing to open up you mind to a different view of things about what your husband may want more of….or less of.
Let’s see if you are willing to shift your paradigm about sensuality and the turn ons and turn offs that live in your boyfriend’s or husband’s mind. Let’s explore how you can get past some of the old, worn out ideas and move forward with a fresh take on the topic of attraction between the sexes.
So why is all this important?
Well, like most things in life, there is an ebb and flow in the attraction between the sexes. A woman may be happily married in one sense, but it is not unusual for the spark of attraction to wane between her and the husband.
Or you and your boyfriend may have a pretty good thing going, but what happens if boredom creeps into the bedroom? What happens if the routines between the boyfriend and girlfriend become predictable and lackluster?
Is Your Boyfriend (Husband) Getting Bored?
Dare I say the word again!
Those predictable, somewhat boring, and unimaginative routines between a couple can lift up and make a relationship sturdy and secure. But they can also cause the marriage or relationship to lack spark and the much needed fireworks of sexual chemistry.
That’s right, even those marriages that have been in place for years need to have some high flying displays of affection, sensuality, and high octane arousal.
But how do we accomplish all of this?
Well, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak.
Appreciating that even the best of marriages and relationships can fall into ruts and predictable routines is a huge part of awakening the sexual potential between you and your partner.
Simple awareness of this problem between the two of your can work wonders.
Wake Up Your Husband With the Call of the “Siren”
Imagine if you gave your husband a deep kiss, then simply explained how it is easy for couples to get into routines when it comes to their love play. Imagine whispering into his ear, “let’s do something about that right now”.
That would be one example of “coloring outside the lines”. Do you think your boyfriend would be excited by the very notion of doing “something about that right now”?
I think so.
Or imagine hugging your husband and whispering in his ear, “we need to color outside the lines”, then lead him, hand in hand, to the bedroom. It is probably something you have never said to him. It is that “fact” that would make your husband “putty in your hands“. Because secretly, many men imagine that their wife (or girlfriend) would occasionally morph into an entirely different sexual being. At a deep level, your husband fantasizes about their wife being like a “Siren” calling out to them, luring them into some enchanting sexual encounter.
Now I have a little chore for you. Go back and re-read the paragraph above and give it a try in your relationship. To say the least, it is a pearl of “Arousal Wisdom” I am laying on you!
So, bear in mind, if you cannot step outside your relationship (figuratively) and see when old reliable habits and routines have taken all the spontaneity and surprise out of your relationship, then it will be hard for you to change your behavior.
So that is why I emphasize the importance of being aware of what I call the “Entropy Relationship Trap”. It’s like once we get into a relationship for a good period of time, the romance and spontaneity slowly breaks down. It is not unusual for this to happen. You should expect it. Unless you are aware of this phenomenon, you can become a victim of the dullness and boredom that can follow a marriage or relationship around.
If you are not careful, you may have a decent relationship, but fall short of the potential of what you both aspired to create when you first got together.
That is probably true for most couples. But it need not be the status quo. You can work on re-inventing your marriage in small ways. To keep the spark alive, you need to do this frequently throughout the years.
I know that “you know” how to do some things that can get your guy turned on or excited. But what you are probably looking for are even more ideas or ways to reawaken those lost feelings that lie dormant, but can be stimulated to rise up.
I have some good news for you. While this post is ending, the next one I will be writing will also tackle this subject. So don’t forget to comment and don’t forget to come back and check out my next post on how to optimize attraction and arousal in your marriage.