It may be one of the toughest relationship questions you will ever face in your life.
And no one can really make that decision except you. Now that doesn’t mean you can get help with figuring out how you might want to go about making the decision just a little bit easier.
That’s what I am here for, right!
But let’s face it.
There are so many considerations and no one has written the know all book on when to end the marriage. It doesn’t exist because relationships between husband and wife are so complex and unique.
But don’t fret.
I can offer you some guidelines and general principles you should consider!
How will you come to know if you should leave your husband? This answer is as almost as tough as knowing if you should marry someone in the first place.
In each case, it is not a decision that should be rushed.
But sadly, far too many people get caught up with misguided emotions or their perceived needs and end up making mistakes about who they will marry or why they are abandoning their marriage.
By the way, I recently wrote a related article that deals with the other side of the coin. Namely, when a husband walks out on you. What on earth do you do? Feel free to take a look as there is some content in this article that also pertains to your situation.
Will you just wake up one day and know its all over and that you and the man you married are just ever going to be the loving couple that you imagined you would be?
Will you be struck by a sudden sense of enlightenment and realize you made the biggest mistake of your life?
No, it’s not going to happen that way.
We are not at the movies in which your life plays out like some fictional screenplay.
In your marriage many things have happened, good and bad, and sorting through these experiences and trying to place some kind of weighting on what you think is important and significant is almost always a huge personal challenge.
Is there a way for you to get a lot closer to your truth and what is best for you?
I think so.
But I don’t think that road to what is in your best interest is an easy one to navigate.
Of course, all marriages suffer from problems brought on by many factors. So you sure don’t want to hurriedly toss the marriage aside just because you and your husband have fallen on hard times.
As long as you are married, you can expect that there will be a number personal challenges which will stretch your commitment and weaken your resolve.
Despite the depth of your marital problems, unless we are dealing with severe emotional or physical abuse, the decision to part ways with your husband and end the marriage is not going to be an easy one.
It will be gut wrenching. Ending the marriage with your husband will be one of the most important decisions you will ever make.
There are no shortcuts to making such a decision.
Forget about completing a “should I leave my husband quiz“. Your marriage, like everyone else’s, is far too complex to leave such a decision to math.
Clearly, knowing if your marriage should end is a matter largely left for the rationale side of your mind and what lies in the deepest recesses of your heart.
If you marriage is broken, what do you do? Should you start over?
The problem though is that it is not always easy to call upon our rational selves when it comes to seeing and understanding all of the important points we should consider about one’s marriage.
If you have children you probably already know that determining when to leave a marriage with kids is made all the more complicated. Couples that part ways often discount the impact their decision has on their children. For one thing, it can be hard to gauge how children will react to Mommy and Daddy breaking up.
It is a struggle everyday when you see the pain and heartache written across the faces of the kids because their Daddy isn’t there or that Mom and Dad are constantly fighting.
So how do you know when to leave a marriage with all these considerations plaguing your mind?
Part of you may want to go badly, while another part of you can get caught up in a whirlwind of uncertainty.
You may also wonder how to leave a marriage when you have little to no money in your pocket?
Obviously, finances play a role and if you are not working or are dependent on your husband for money, it makes the decision all the more difficult.
In the back of your mind you may say to yourself, “how can I leave my marriage peacefully“. Usually when the marriage is breaking up and you have both lived in chaos, the last thing you want is more strife. You don’t want all the drama associated with the collapse of all the marriages you have seen or heard about.
You and your husband may have tried very hard to make things work, yet knowing when to give up on your marriage will still be incredibly difficult.
Signs That It Is Time To End Your Marriage
I have learned over the years that sometimes the best marriage advice for couples who are experiencing troubled times comes from those who have lived through it and come out the other side in fine shape.
So I am going to offer up some quotes and comments from folks just like yourself that saw the tell-tale signs that the relationship was headed to a place of no return.
These brave people are often my heroes because instead of withering away after going through really tough times, they took action and started off in a new direction, another journey if you will.
Before I share these women’s heartfelt observations, let me emphasis that just because your husband is exhibiting some of these behaviors doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is head for the dumps.
It doesn’t have to mean that it’s time to end the marriage.
So with that said, just know that for these women the signs of a declining marriage did prove to serve as a catalyst for them to end and shut down their relationship with a man they once thought they would spend the rest of their lives with.
“I knew it was the beginning of the end for my husband and I when he stopped telling me he loved me. Don’t get me wrong, that wasn’t the only trouble spot in our marriage. There were lots. But when the man you commit your heart to can’t bring himself to tell you that he loves you or feels affection for you, then something is way off. Such was the case in my marriage. I was living with a guy who cared little for trying to right his many wrongs.”
“I got fooled into marrying a man who said he loved me, but he was just using me to get access to this country. I should have known better but all of his words convinced me that we had something. Then once married, everything changed. He cared little for my feelings or needs. The whole marriage was just a sham. It was a sexless marriage and looking back now, I feel certain I was just his gateway into this country. I have kicked him out because why should I allow him to feed off of me.”
“I don’t know if I told you but when I saw it going wrong, it was when he insisted we should sleep apart. He tried to explain to me that he was a restless sleeper and needed his personal time, but now I know it was a farce. Some of the times he was not even in his room late at night. He would sneak out and meet up with his new girlfriend. The sleeping arrangements with my husband should have been a clue that we were headed for disaster. I admit I was blinded to it at first. I went along thinking if it helped him, it might help our marriage. What a fool I was, but no more. I have told him to move out and I feel crushed about our marriage coming to an end but I can’t keep lying to myself any longer.”
We can never be certain what may trigger the decline of a marriage. But certain things can usually clue you in on whether the relationship is in a healthy place.
If basic things are lacking like shared intimacy, expressions of love, or keeping a commitment to the vow of being faithful, then your marriage is probably entering into a dangerous zone.
Dysfunctional marriages come about through many things that can easily get fouled up.
So yes, a marriage can get off the tracks.
But, it doesn’t mean you won’t be able to solve whatever serious problems your relationship is facing.
Nor does it mean that you and your husband were divined to be together for the rest of your life.
When making an important decision around whether you should end your marriage and strike off in a different direction, be sure to take a look at the totality of all the experiences you have had with your spouse.
Don’t make a decision around ending or continuing your marriage unless you have consulted others whose advice you trust.
It is easy to get trapped or blinded into thinking about things in a certain way.
That is why it is important to gain a larger perspective before taking action on ending your relationship.